//// \\\ / \ \ \/ \ / \ \\/ \ // \ \ \/ \\
/// / /\ \\ / \ // \\\\\ // / /\ \ \ /
\\\waking//\\ up //in the morning ///
//// / / /\ancient morning
\\\\ \ / yesiree bob \\ ><
//\\\ \\\//indeed \\\////\\\ indeed
//\\///the usual or desirable or typical
sense of utter exhaustion/confusion/excitement
did I know them? \\\\ \ \ \/ / /// /
no, I didn't /// \\ \ //
should I have known them?
(uncertainty)
how is something like that expressed?
(vague and haunted)
(but look, that doesn't diminish the basic excitement!)
(if anything, the excitement is ratcheted up!)
lying there, visualizing how the day might play out.
(wondering if you might be doing the same)
or are you already in motion, already embarked on activity, making it clear to all those around you...
thinking about the different contacts and the wide range of ideas/identities. >< I was always the sort of person who enjoyed exploring a lot of different ideas/identities. if you find that humorous, fine. if you want to laugh out loud, go ahead. somebody else will stay behind.
(that doesn't mean I'm not one of the hardest-working people in the united states of america.)
(it was mean-spirited of them to be always making jokes about the poor united states of america.)
we asked him sometimes if there was anything we could do to possibly
help him.
the answer came back: “probably not,” and, golly jeepers, we were all a little disheartened. (well, that's not entirely true- we were more than a little disheartened. not a lot more, but a little.)
we lowered our heads for several moments and muttered something under our breath. it was laced with so much profanity that I'd prefer not to share it here on the blog. people might begin to wonder. they might begin quietly drifting.
university educated we were not, and probably never would be, thank heavens. grapple with the beauty, the anonymous faces, the sour smell of late autumn, november, the drama students gathered together in a cluster outside of the cemetery, led there by a professor and led back by a janitor. plums and hazelnuts sketched out in a smooth, professional hand. we didn’t know about the science building but I wish that we had. we didn’t know about the spirit building but dad burnit, I wish that we had! we did know about the medicine building but that didn’t seem to be making any visible difference.
many people need for there to be a visible difference.
he mumbled about living alone down in the swamps. one era was passing, another was coming into existence. one era was tasting, another was chewing and swallowing. paid consultants encouraged us to "venture out into the community." give it the old college try, and, mercy, when that also doesn't pan out.... .............. .......................... ...................................... ...............if we were not willing to put in the hard work, well then, we had nobody to blame but ourselves, and we would probably end up living alone on public aid down near the swamps.
zero in on some activity.
try to make sense of activity.
maybe just say the word “activity” out loud to yourself several times in quick succession. it's a time-honored word and most people will understand your general drift. there’s a community center, indeed, along with a subtle but pervasive sense of orientation. there’s a wide range of activity- all you have to do is select one!
just look thru the brochure and fucking select one!!!!!
(and don't worry, if you happen to be one of those lower energy types, one of those types that isn’t entirely convinced that it’s even worthwhile to continue on living- well then, you probably need some individual guidance- you probably need to engage in give-and-take conversation.)
the best thing for a person like you would probably be a large uptick in results-oriented activity. maybe you don’t belong in the newsroom or in the high-stakes world of international finance. that’s ok- there are other meaningful types or forms of activity. waking up early in the morning, having an immediate sense of excitement- these things should never be taken for granted! they are essential to a long and productive career. if the people no longer like you, if the people no longer make sense to you, if the people gather together, if the people sometimes vent their suspicions- well, all of these things are important in a democratic society. by and large, this world appears to be a world of activity, a world of high aspiration, a world of venturing outside and trying to have a positive impact on the local community. if you don’t have enough energy- well, too bad. if you don’t have enough foresight- same answer. if you can’t find a way to fit into the scheme of things- well, disappear into the distance. the distance remains a viable option.
people
wake
up
in
the
morning
and
immediately are somehow attuned
to a personal sense of
exhaustion, confusion, excitement, and emptiness.
gosh, it
doesn’t
even
matter
so
much
what
these
fun
sensations
applies to- as long as it’s palpable, recognizable, and relatively dependable. we engage in conversation. we disappear into the distance, the nothingness. (this appears to be the topic that makes the most sense to us.)
if we had better technology, well then, golly jeepers, we’d probably use it!!!
if we had more sources of energy, well then, that would probably be better for everyone!!!
we would engage in conversation.
we would bring some of those marginalized people into the ongoing discussion.
they would love that so much!!!!!
a person who "rests on his or her laurels" is probably better off dead. there will be no resting of any sort in this community! there will only be perpetual work and advancement! if this wearies or saddens you, well then, go and live alone in the swamps! if that doesn’t sound appealing, well then, bring your life to a gradual close! a slow fade. people will not only accept but most likely support your decision! some will even applaud your core image- the spectacle of people jumping up and down in pure excitement, the garbled motives that drive the engines of community inter-connectedness.
(if there was one thing I was still holding out hope for, that one thing would almost certainly have to be community inter-connectedness.)
from a ny times editorial: "bono the rock singer tried to give me a sense of orientation. he had learned about some of my struggles and offered to give me the benefit of his vast global oversight. it was pretty impressive, I have to say. he has a magisterial grasp of the issues. an informed citizenry is important, I was gradually beginning to realize. bono had the wherewithal, after everyone else had abandoned me, to pull me off to the side and gently suggest in that special way of his that I pull my head out of my ass...
...he said to me once that he was the kind of person who was constantly working. it didn’t even have to be related to the digital landscape. he woke up extremely early every morning, and then forget it- he was already working. his life was once again moving forward full-throttle. he was constantly working. that’s how he defined the human being: a creature of constant activity. there’s no other justifiable way to live nowadays! if people want communication, well then, by gar, communicate with them! if they want entertainment, well then, find some way to get them tailor-made entertainment! if some of them feel that maybe they’ve come to the proverbial end of the road, well then, get that person into counseling! the community notices. and then, after several short minutes, the community’s attention drifts off again. it drifts in the direction of other well-lit and well-funded attractions. (it’s said somewhere in the literature that we’re all in this thing together but I don’t know if that’s necessarily true.) (it's fun to say it regardless!) did he show his true colors? well, look here sir- what if I didn’t really want to see his true colors? I was constantly working- every minute of my goddamn life I was working! I had unlimited amounts of energy. I was always seeking activity! if you want to define the human creature well then you go right ahead and give it a whirl! have you had a college education? does it matter? people can't seem to decide about this. they wake up in the morning, and the first thing they want to do is engage in frank conversation. if that doesn’t pan out as expected they usually fall back on repetitive, machine-like activity. it’s the normal human strategy, tried and true over many years of experimentation. bono again: "this is a realm of human work, human labor. it is the landscape of struggle. god and all his saints begin masturbating when they see us engaged in purposeful activity. help other people in the community. stop whatever you’re doing right now and engage in activity. if you don’t know the answer to something, look it up on the mother-fucking internet. if it’s not available on the internet, confer with one of your mother-fucking local village elders. if the village elders will have nothing to do with you, gaze into the abyss of your own wretched being. this will probably yield mixed results. circle back to common conversation. after you’ve made your voice heard, zero in on some sort of activity. if it’s something that other people have never heard of, well then, you’ve probably made a serious error. they want to see something that they can identify as “hard” or “purposeful” or “meaningful” work. they “wake up” in the morning. that’s an obvious catchphrase. wander down to the harbor, "wander down into the nothingness." even if your friendships are dissolving right and left, the most important thing is to have some sort of activity. my famous rock band seems to be slowly drifting off into the proverbial mists of obscurity- I never thought this would happen, at least not during my own lifetime. I need to hunker down with my publicist and make sure to get this gosh durn ship turned around..."
the books confused you- that seems obvious. the family circle confused you. were you raised out in the middle of nowhere? the answer is probably yes. did you eventually learn to embrace technology? the answer is probably yes. did you set up an e-mail account, and then move onto facebook and twitter? the answer is almost certainly yes. it was important to be alert. do you not find it to be a high-pressure world? let’s talk about your heroes for a moment. let’s talk about loss of identity. I learned about your struggles only by hearsay, and I had no idea what to say in response, so guess what- I didn't say anything! that’s right. I simply didn’t say anything. we engaged in conversation and then we moved out into the wider community. they taught us how to be solid human beings. they taught us that the work ethic was everything. “do what you love,” and then, almost magically, the “results (meaning money) will follow thereafter!”
1. work hard every day of your life
2. make the worship of hard work the guiding principle of your wretched existence.
3. do what the experts advise you to
4. join a community clean-up organization
(because this approach to language does not conform to the instrumental standards of accountability and transparency, where one is supposedly able to see any results immediately, it is deemed obscure and worthless.)
(in those earlier days, when we talked about people with problems, it was always just assumed that we were referring to psychological problems.)
(spending time outside the home- that was another one of our methods. always looking for opportunities to spend more time outside of the home.)
(some of our friends had taken to employing an almost robot-like language. we let them know in no uncertain terms that we didn’t appreciate that sort of language!)
(sometimes we just sat around and thought about nature. we wanted so badly to be a part of the ongoing dance of nature and wilderness.)
long period of time when we were together, even longer period of time when we weren’t. going wherever the conversation accidentally led us. explaining to people, "this is where the conversation accidentally led us." not apologizing anymore. apologizing perpetually.
long period of time when we were together, even longer period of time when we weren’t. periods of isolation interspersed with periods of even more severe isolation. that’s a strange way to live, I overheard a passer-by saying. a strange way to hold a struggling friendship under the water until it is drowned.
there was this sense, believe it or not. . .and yes, I know quite well that you won’t; and yet, ladies and gentlemen, please notice: I still proceed with this doomed line of thinking regardless! that is, in plain fact, how much I still believe in my cause! despite all of the credible evidence that I have seen to the contrary! a sense of what, in my opinion at least, could only be termed something along the general lines of massive and interminable psychological problems and illnesses; a sense of our world being completely overrun, as it were, by people with more or less permanent and incurable psychological issues.
you’d like to imagine that these people still retained at least some legitimate feeling for nature- well, my friends: you would be wrong. you would be sorely mistaken. we’re talking about the sort of people here who don’t even know what the word “nature” means! in fact, some of them haven’t even heard it at all! it’s not a word that is necessarily being taught in our schools these days; and if it is, teachers are free to put any spin on it they choose. believe it or not, I’ve heard reports that in place of the traditional schoolroom dartboards, some instructors have hung up wide-angle photographs of some of the more breathtaking vistas to be found in our nation’s system of protected forests and parks, and then encouraged the children to simply fire away! Some instructors going so far as to paint actual targets over what they consider the most picturesque part of the photograph! “nature” has become nothing more than a game to some of these people! and the poor children are being taught, by example, to also regard it as such!
for instance, in important educational films such as Dr. Seuss’s the Lorax, the current pedagogical framework for children 13 and under is that the poor Lorax is essentially a homeless person- destitute and probably suffering from serious mental illness to boot. the children are being taught to be concerned for the Lorax, to get him into some sort of emergency shelter and lined up with special medications and therapies. “and if the poor bastard refuses?” the children are sometimes known to ask- well, boys and girls, we have a number of correctional programs for people like that. remember those “rides” at the state fair where a bunch of donkeys were chained up in a circular line around a central hub and for a few bucks you’d get to ride around on one for a couple of minutes? well, guess what? humans can be trained to do the same exact thing nowadays! all of the evidence shows that they really seem to enjoy it. the problem with a lot of these people is that they lack simple purpose! the Lorax himself had plenty of purpose, of course, but there was one tiny problem- the poor guy was delusional! all the ambition in the world doesn’t amount to a small hill of feces if it isn’t directed at some sort of rational, scientifically verifiable and replicable goal or hypothesis. we can’t just let the Loraxes of this world collapse and die on the pavement! if nothing else, that would comprise a sanitation issue that would have to be dealt with eventually. no, we need to do everything we can to redirect these marginal types. and no one is trying to suggest that their love of nature isn’t cute and commendable! it reminds one of han solo’s devotion to his furry assistant, chewbacca. the wookie species was held up in every film of that franchise as an example of the positive difference that the endangered species act can have in this world. chewie was alleged to be one of only 5 remaining wookies left in the wild.
in today’s classroom it is the entrepreneurial Oncler who is held up as the model. hard-working, family oriented, inventive, a creator of jobs- these are the types that our country is in desperate need of! it’s no secret that we are being mercilessly crushed underfoot by any number of our former competitor nations. these are now the nations that are constantly chuckling at the state of affairs here! I wouldn’t be surprised if they’ve set us up as dartboards! not our forests and parks but our very persons- the citizens! photographs of our faces being riddled over and over again with projectiles!
I sincerely hope that most of you will be willing to credit me with this much at least: that this is a highly sensitive, highly charged, and highly emotional subject: the question of who is it exactly that has the most serious psychological problems? that the problems are indeed massive: that much at least we seem to agree on. there’s a wide range of magazine articles that one could refer to at this point. dr. j. reardon addresses these issues head on in his recent monograph: which is worse? reflections on the meaning of mental illness in a dysfunctional society by an alleged member of that society who has a foot in both camps, so to speak. a sense that sometimes filters down to us in the format of question and answer; a sense of people going off by themselves for extended periods of time for no other reason than to peruse the ancient and medieval classics. this, my friends, is what our culture has finally come to: these people will be hunted down and locked away in long term psychiatric facilities.
I realize that some of you are much more oriented to the policies of civil unrest, the sense of tearing down institutions, tearing down civilization itself. something has angered you, maybe. . .something has intruded on your sense of composure and purpose. . . the royal road, it has been called. . .the high road to what could only be identified as undisputed and endlessly-replicating psychological problems. the sense of openness that we talked about on the first day of this seminar. . .well, from what I can tell it seems to have all but disappeared into the emptiness. if I was a different sort of person I would venture into that terrible emptiness in an attempt to recover it, but, for better or for worse, I am not that type of person at all. . .and yes, I realize that many of you will feel that it is indeed for the worse. . .because that way, if I actually did proceed into the terrible emptiness, given my poor sense of direction, I would probably become irretrievably lost, and perish out there, never to return and inflict more of my nonsense upon you.
I think to myself sometimes: hey dickweed. . .you know what? maybe it’s true. . .maybe I haven’t shouldered my fair share of the burden. . .if and when people find out for themselves the true extent of this dereliction of duty they will probably gather together and lobby for the worst form of punishment that our current penal code still allows for. . .firing squad? electricity? drawn and quartered? guillotine? tarred and feathered? testicles sliced off and tossed into the mystery meat that they feed the other guys on death row? well, to be honest, I can’t say that I entirely blame them. . .I can’t even seem to say anything halfway coherent. . .I myself have done quite a bit in my lifetime to destroy and discredit “nature”. . .I’ve spent a lot of time in my room trying to come up with jokes and barbs designed to be told solely at nature’s expense. . .making fun of nature as if it was just one of the fellas down at the neighborhood bar, hurling insults across the table, throwing beers into each other’s faces, dragging some sorry fuck who has completely passed out into the alley behind and, as a group, urinating and sometimes even defecating all over his flaccid and expressionless face!
on one hand, the entire group had come together and they were all finally talking. on the other hand, they sounded confused and poorly-informed in regards to some of the most central issues. I tried to assist them, but alas; my attempts were completely ignored. I guess they remembered what happened the last time that they’d listened to me.
modern selections, modern ideas, modern words, modern happenings.
what would it even mean to say that the person “had massive psychological problems?” where would he go and what would he do with those “ massive psychological problems?” would he consult with various people who appeared to have less massive psychological problems? or would he simply infect those people, as it were, and drag them down to his own sorry level?
these are some of the most pressing questions that our era has faced, and yet it appears that they can only be answered by the people with the most severe psychological problems. it is indeed a terrible dilemma that our community faces. people seem to have no idea where to turn for a sense of plain dealing! they would like to consult the professionals, the experts, the technicians, the scientists- but that appears to be impossible, unless of course they wish for nothing more than the same tired platitudes. and it probably comes as no surprise to learn that, in fact, some of them actually do! some of them are, in fact, deeply in love with the platitudes! people can be found in almost every community who masturbate to these platitudes on a regular basis! I realize that this is a really tasteless example to bring up in an academic context like this, but it partially illustrates for you the extent of the problem: people will call any number of hotlines and for a nominal fee, arrange to have a total stranger, thousands of miles away, utter in montone a few of the aforementioned cliches or wisecracks or platitudes, while the caller simply sits or lies there in the silence and darkness bringing him or herself to a most likely disappointing sexual climax! such is the power the platitudes wield over a certain percent of the populace! it’s almost enough to make a thinking person lie down on the pavement and refuse to ever get up again. such is the despair that this crisis regarding the teaching of nature provokes.
there was a sense that a person like that might eventually need to go down to the barges. but what does that even mean, though? “going down the barges?” isn’t that just more evidence that we are already neck-deep in the sort of terminology that could only be cooked up by someone with truly massive psychological issues? you almost want to take a person like that and ask them to wait out in the hall for a while, you know? the adults have some important and difficult things to discuss in the office. you have this sneaking suspicion that if you just gave them some sort of toy or game or form of electronic entertainment they would happily while away many hours while the responsible parties proceeded inside with the serious and terrible issues.
